Two hearts in 3/4 time.
BIRMINGHAM: Mr and Mrs Horne were absolutely terrified when they discovered their three year old son drinking nail polish remover.
However, instead of the usual convulsions and vomiting associated with drinking acetone, the child grew ten foot instantaneously and developed super powers.
"I'd be fucked, is what I said," Mr Horne commented. "The little tyke just shook it off and turned into some kind of super human. That's my lad."
His superpowers include being able to shoot lightning from his arse, the ability to breathe fire and super intelligence.
"Just overnight he went from a three year old playing with pots and pans under the kitchen sink, to telling me how I can save more on our mortgage while simultaneously firing lightning at the Postman," said Mrs Horne. "I tell you- It is quite an adjustment for us to be making."
But for Master Horne, he has continued to take it all in his stride. "At least now, with my super intelligence I don't need to go to University, therefore saving my parents thousands of pounds," he said.
Master Horne has also outlined his plan for world domination, which his parents are eagerly supporting. "He's said to me that he is going to overthrow every government around the globe. He is impervious to bullets and shells, so I really don't see how anyone can stop him," said Mr Horne. "I'm very excited by it all really. He's promised us cushy jobs, and to be honest, anything is better than working in the Meatworks, which is where I work now."
President Bush has reacted slowly, and grudgingly abandoned another vacation to address the "Horne Issue" as it has become to be known. "I stand here in defence of liberty. If this little ten foot upstart thinks he can overthrow America, then I say, 'Bring it on,'" the President said.
"I'm worried for my little boy," Mrs Horne stated. "Going up against the world with only lightning from your arse, and breathing fire is a pretty big ask, but I'm sure our lad can do it."