What to do if the the television eats you and puts you in a porno movie.

By: Peemil.


Above: A worldwide conspiracy teaches us the shows on television are made in studios. It is a little known fact that, the people who are on the television have been sucked in there by forces unknown to science. It could happen to you at anytime of day or night, and you could end up anywhere. Even in a porn movie. Of course, there are many different types of porn movies, so we here at Where are my socks? have created this little guide in the event that it happens to you.


Above: Will of "Will and Grace" fame started his imprisonment in the television right here, in gay porn. Will might have enjoyed his time here, but for the other 90% of us we are going to have to make some quick decisions. In the above scenario you have three choices. Be the guy who's going to have a brown penis, the guy who will be eating penis or the guy who is going to be getting it. The way I see it, you might as well go the whole hog. That's right- Be the meat in the sandwich.


Above: You've reached nirvana. Lesbian porn. Most lesbian porn stars swing both ways. From what I've seen the best way to bring out their hetero side is to "stumble" over one of their sex toys and present it to them, or be the guy who is fixing the sink.


Above: Welcome to S&M land. Here you are going to take quite a beating. Remember the first rule here. Do not beg for them not to do it. It just makes them hornier. Try using reverse psychology and threaten to beat them. If this doesn't work, I suggest putting a piece of dowel in your mouth, closing your eyes and thinking of England.


Above: What is worse than S&M land? Big black guy who wants to beat and sodomize you land- That's what. No amount of dowel or thinking of England is going to save you now. You are well and truly going to be fucked.


Above: There maybe a chance that you'll land in the middle of an attempt to break the female gangbang record. This record is held by some woman who did 620 blokes in ten hours. That's pretty intense. The best advice here is to get in line and try to enjoy the slops when you get them.


Above: Talk about being the odd one out. If you find yourself in a circle of Japanese men who are masturbating and ejaculating on a woman, then you're in a Bukkake film. The best advice I can give you here is to just chill out, unzip your fly and hope no one notices the big white guy who has joined the circle jerk.


Above: You poor bastard. Welcome to hell. You're a fluffer, which means you keep the guys hard in between shoots. I hope you've got a taste for cock.

You can read the archives of the "Saturday Comic" here. -Peemil.