If Bush, Cheney and Rumsfeld were pompous 19th Century English gentlemen having a tea party.

By: Peemil.

Deep in the halls and parlours of Puffington Hall, Sir Bush, Lord Cheney and General Rumsfeld are to meet around a mahogany table. The walls of the room are covered by rich and elegant tapestrys, portraits of Lords, Kings and Knights and works of art from around the world.

It is a dark place with only the low light of candles. The windows are covered by heavy curtains betraying all who would seek to see in a clear view of the goings on inside.

The smoke of cigars, pipes and opium fills the room. In the corner some men sit reading their newspapers in deep and well worn chairs. Others around the room talk over cognac or whiskey in whispered voices.

In the centre- The new industrialists. Sir Bush and Lord Cheney sit and talk in animated voices, betraying the solemnity of the place. General Rumsfeld throws open the mahogany doors and enters the room.

"Rummy. Good man. How do you do?" says Sir Bush as he and Lord Cheney stand to greet the General.
"I do well my good men. How does this day find you both?"
"Splendid," replies Sir Bush.
"Indeed. Splendid," says Lord Cheney.
"Please sit. Join us," says Sir Bush motioning for General Rumsfeld to sit.
"It would be the greatest of pleasures."
"Tea?" inquires Lord Cheney.
"Oh please do. It would be magnificent," says General Rumsfeld.
"Sir Bush? Care for some more tea?" asks Lord Cheney.
"Indeed. Splendid."
"Quite," says Lord Cheney.
"Indeed. Splendid," agrees General Rumsfeld.

Lord Cheney lifts the tea pot and realises that there is nothing in there.

"It seems we've run out of tea. No hassle. Oh waiter," he calls out across the room. "Do come here good fellow. Could we possibly get another pot of the Ladies Earl Grey tea? There's a good fellow."
"While we are waiting for the tea, do you care for a pipe of opium? It is quite a good shipment we got in from Sumatra this year." asks Sir Bush.
"No thank you good Sir. I need not opine upon the opium pipe at this present junction," says General Rumsfeld waving away Sir Bush's insistence.
"As is your wish. So. Do tell my good fellow. How goes things? We have been amiss of your company recently."
"Quite." says Lord Cheney.
"Yes. It seems a few months ago I was instructed to travel to Arabia on a mission of quite some importance."
"Do tell," says Lord Cheney in an inquiring tone.
"On orders from Her Majesty a few months ago I was instructed to travel forthwith to Arabia and settle a disturbance within the native ranks down there. It seems they weren't too keen on the civilising British influence in their lands and had risen up against us. By the time I arrived the situation had become quite intolerable. Lawlessness and anarchy at every junction. Quite a ghastly situation."
"Quite bothersome," say Lord Cheney in an shocked tone.
"Indeed. Quite bothersome." Sir Bush says agreeing.
"But the British Army was undeterred. We held ranks quite well and gave the towel heads a good show. 'For the honour of Her Majesty' I told the men. 'Strike down these heathen Arabs with your bullets, your bayonets and if needs be the fists of the motherland. We will not be defeated on British territory.'"
"Jolly good," says Lord Cheney.
"Rather. Jolly good," Sir Bush says agreeing.
"Righteousness prevailed and excluding some pockets of resistance the natives have been quelled for the time being. They are a rather infuriating and uncivilised species. Sodomites and polygamists to the last of them. Although, I am rather pleased to say, Christian righteousness and the strength of the British Army won at the end of the day."
"Splendid news. Oh- Here is the tea. Just set it down there. There's a good fellow," says Lord Cheney.

Lord Cheney proceeds to pour a cup of tea for everyone present.

"Splendid tea," says General Rumsfeld.
"Quite. Splendid tea," says Lord Cheney.
"Indeed. Quite splendid tea." Sir Bush agrees.
"So how goes you two gentlemen? Sir Bush how goes the business?" inquires General Rumsfeld.
"Quite well. I have had problems procuring enough coal to run my factories of late and the labour has been absolutely intolerable."
"How's that?" asks Lord Cheney.
"It seems they want a 'living wage.' They want enough money to feed their ever growing families and enough to put a roof over their head. I tell you. The problems I've had of late have been insufferable."
"Poor man," Lord Cheney laments.
"Yes indeed. You poor man," acknowledges General Rumsfeld.
"I have explained that they need not anymore money as it will cut into my profits and would henceforth make me move the factory to France, where the labour is cheaper. I do so hate the French, and moving the factory there would only be done under complete necessity."
"Filthy frogs," spits General Rumsfeld.
"Indeed filthy frogs," Lord Cheney opines.
"On the matter of their ever growing families I have told them on numerous ocassions that abstinence is the will of God above. They must curb their carnal cravings and submit to the will of the Lord. But you know how it is with these people. Filthy common stock without the good nuances to keep their peckers in their pocket or their legs together. Should I be responsible to pay them more because they would rather the pleasures of this Earth over common decency? This is quite bothersome. It causes me such distress. Pass me the opium pipe Lord Cheney."

Lord Cheney reaches across and hands a packed opium pipe to Sir Bush which he gratefully accepts.

"That does seem to be quite the bothersome situation. How fares you Lord Cheney?" asks General Rumsfeld.
"I have been working with the Government to strike down any move towards allowing women to vote."
"Women voting? Absolutely absurd. They have not the mental faculties nor the inclination to contribute to the political process," says General Rumsfeld in an incredulous tone.
"Indeed. I wouldn't worry too much about it. Those that would like to see women vote are a small group, but they are converting other women to their evil ideology."
"I'm sure that you'll see to it that they are kept out. Imagine it. Can you imagine what would happen if women were allowed to vote? Imagine if the election would be held at their time of month. Their natural disposition towards anger at this time would lead them to bring other members of their sex to the poll, and hencewith would scuttle the vote. It's a situation that should not be allowed to occur. The next thing you know the poor will want more of a say in what goes on." says General Rumsfeld.
"Indeed," says Lord Cheney.
"Rather," agrees Sir Bush. "Rather."